Get a Job, I Want a New Penis

He had his penis chopped off by his best friend

Bulgaria. A 61-year-old man named Zaprian Lozanov had his penis chopped off by his best friend, Lyubomir Todorov (43) while he was drunk and demonstrating his mad martial art skills.The now member-less man is petitioning to get his drinking- ninja, best bud released from jail. Why (?) you may ask. No, not to hit the local titty bars once again but to make him get a job and buy him a shiny new penis!The Bert and Ernie like duo were chilling out and drinking alcohol at Mr. Lozanov’s pad when Mr. Todorov decided it would be a great idea to take a real life samurai sword off the wall and show everyone how awesome he was as he sliced up the air around him.Mr. Lozanov, being the responsible adult that he is, tried to disarm the Bruce Lee wannabe: ‘I went to try and take it off him before he caused an accident – and then he slashed it in front of me. I thought he’d missed but then I felt a burning pain and collapsed. He’d sliced the sword through my trousers and lopped off my penis.’ OUCH! This sad story has a kind of a happy ending, I guess. Mr. Lozanov is petitioning to get the dick-chopper out of prison. Mr. Todorov was given a 6 year prison sentence for the incident and it seems his friend believes his time would be better spent earning the cash to replace his loss. OUCH!‘People tell me I was noble to get him released but I want him to get a job so he can pay the compensation I am due,’ said Mr. Lozanov.‘There is nothing I can do to change what has happened – it’s in the past. I just hope now that, by helping him, it will help me.’

Basic Kissing Tips

Great Breath – This is very important. Make sure you brush your teeth before going out on your date. There is nothing worse than kissing someone with bad breath

USA. If your date consists of having something to eat before the actual kiss, make sure you have a mint on hand to take right after you finish eating. Don’t take the mint just before the kiss or chew on gum. You don’t want to have something in your mouth when you kiss.

Moist Lips – You want your lips to be slightly moist when you kiss. Run your tongue over your lips once before you kiss. Don’t wear lip gloss because that tends to make the kiss too gooey. And don’t wear a lot of lipstick unless you want your partner to wear it too after the kiss. Slightly moist lips makes it easier to move your lips over your partner’s and gives both you and your partner a more pleasant experience.

Positioning – Stand close to your partner. As the two of you move closer together tilt your head slightly. If you can see which way your partner’s head is tilting, tilt your head slightly in the opposite direction.

Close Eyes – Just before your lips meet, close your eyes. Some people prefer to leave their eyes open during the kiss. But until you know what your partner prefers, it is best to close your eyes.

Open Lips – Open your mouth slightly and place your lips over your partner’s lips. Do not hold your breath! Breath through your nose. As your lips meet, press them gently over your partner’s. You may wish to move your lips in a slow, circular motion or just leave them still over your partners.

Closed Lips – This is like the type of kiss you’d give your grandma or aunt. Instead of opening your mouth when your lips meet, keep them closed. This is also a good way of letting your partner know this is as far as it goes. It also makes a great hello/good-bye kiss or a great first time kiss if you’re nervous.

French Kissing

This is the most popular type of kiss. This involves touching your tongue with your partner’s and it can be quite a pleasant experience. There are a few tips to create a great French kiss.

Open Lips – Open your lips over your partner’s slightly more than you would during a regular kiss. This makes it easier to place your tongue in your partner’s mouth.

Tongue – Place the tip of your tongue on the tip of your partner’s tongue. Do not force your tongue too far into their mouth. If you wish, you can play with their tongue by circling theirs with your own. Have fun with it. Explore.

Lips – You may explore different ways of using your tongue. Try running the tip of your tongue over your partner’s lips. Do this slowly and gently, just using the tip of your tongue.

Suck Kissing

This can be a very seductive type of kiss. Instead of French Kissing with your mouth open, while your partner’s lips are parted suck on their top our bottom lip with your own, just for a second or two. Then go back to another type of kiss or try the other lip.

Nip Kissing

This type of kiss has to be done carefully, but when done correctly can create a wonderful effect on your partner. While suck kissing, gently bite their lip, but be VERY gentle so as not to hurt your partner. This kiss should only be done with someone that you’ve kissed a few times before, otherwise you may shock your partner.

Surprise Kissing

This type of kiss is done when your partner is lying down on a sofa or the ground, either asleep or just lying with their eyes closed. Quietly approach your partner and place a small, very gentle kiss on their lips. Intensify the kiss until your partner opens their eyes or awakens.

Kate e William: the wedding of the century

“You look lovely, I love you“.

England. According to many was the wedding of the century. Sounds like a definition exaggerated? What is certain is that the “royal wedding” of William E Kate was a real media event. Between television and web channels, the marriage of William principle and “bourgeois” Kate Middleton were followed by about two billion people around the world.The bride was radiant ed'altronde its seems really a story stolen from fairy tales. Kate not a drop of blue blood in his veins, but with her smile that has won that many commentators could be the next King of England.The suit Kate was simple yet full of style. He remembered that much of another princess, Grace Kelly. Kate's mother wore a pearl gray suit, the Queen Elizabeth But this man has betrayed his usual look, opting to dress complete with matching hat canary. Very nice also the sister of Kate wrapped in a sleeveless dress low-cut and slightly, in defiance of the strict protocol English.Moving and romantic commentary William when he accepted his future wife at the altar: “You look lovely, I love you“. At this point, like any self-respecting fairy tale, you can not add more than “and they lived happily ever after”.

Two men and a pretend baby

Meet the gay couple who have spent 21 years carrying a DOLL round the world

USA. With his well-heeled parents he has travelled to all seven continents, visiting the Taj Mahal in India and the Pyramids at Giza, and cruising in the Indian Ocean along the way. Dressed in the finest clothes and jewellery, Digby has sat down for dinner next to celebrities at some of New York's most exclusive restaurants. He has even turned down an offer to be baptised by the Bishop of London. Digby is a plastic doll. But that hasn't stopped his two dads treating him like a real son for the past 21 years. Dressing him in shoes from Bloomingdales and giving him a Cartier watch, Mark Kirby and A.J Sapolnick have become so attached to their doll son that friends have taken to calling them 'The Digbys'.'We found Digby in a Paris flea market in 1990 and we both had an immediate connection with him,' said Mark, who has lived with AJ for the past 26 years. 'We haggled over his price and paid £4 for him. He was a total mess, covered in mouldy dew and was not wearing any clothes. 'We brought him back to our room and cleaned him up and it was there that our family began.' Even though finding Digby in Paris came through chance, Mark and AJ were in fact on the lookout for a suitable child to adopt.

Children found buried in garden

The father, remains missing and there are no signs

France. The police searching for a missing family have launched a murder probe after five bodies were found buried in the garden of their home.The gruesome discoveries began with a severed leg being dug up at the house in Nantes.Then officers found the corpses, which had bullet wounds.Officials say the bodies are believed to be those of Agnes Dupont de Ligonnes, 49, and her four children: Arthur, 21; Thomas, 18; Anne, 16; and Benoit, 13.Xavier Dupont de Ligonnes, the father, remains missing and there are no signs of a struggle in the house.The family disappeared on April 3 or 4. Police believe they were kidnapped and killed. Their two dogs were also found buried.The case has been complicated further by strange notes and emails obtained by officers.One letter suggests the family wanted to move to Australia, while an email sent by the father said he was a secret US agent about to testify in a drug case, and leaving to join a witness protection programme.